I don't believe in fairies. Oops! A fairy died.
I don't believe in fairies. Oops! Another fairy died.

	Shlomi Fish
%
The prefix "God Said" has the extraordinary logical property of 
converting any statement that follows it into a true one.

	Shlomi Fish
%
A Jewish Deduction

The Bible dictates that "Thou shalt not seethe [= cook] a kid [= young goat]
in his mother's milk." To avoid any possibility of breaking that regulation, 
the Jewish tradition ruled that it also applies to female goats, to mature
goats, and to the meat and milk of two completely unrelated goats. It is 
also forbidden to eat the meat with fresh milk, and it applies to beef 
and mutten as well (including mixing the milk and meat of two different
beasts). Finally, chicken, which are incapable of milk production, may not
be eaten along with any mammal's milk either. 

We are fortunate that most mathematicians were not Jewish. Otherwise, it
would have been forbidden to divide by all numbers between -1 and 1. 


	Shlomi Fish
%
I used to be arrogant. Now I'm simply Perfect.

	Ronen Borshack
%
If the ancient Greeks had invented UNIX, Murphy's Law would have been known
as Aristotle's Law.

Had they invented MS-Windows, Murphy's Law would have been known as the Law
of Socrates.

	Shlomi Fish
%
Microsoft's slogan used to be "Microsoft - making it all make sense."

Today it should be: "Microsoft - making everything make sense. Ours."

	Shlomi Fish
%
Linux - Because Software Problems Should not Cost Money.

	Shlomi Fish
%
The American Lottery - all you need is a dollar and a dream. We will 
take the dollar, but you can keep the dream. 

	Shlomi Fish
%
"Shit Happens" according to the religions of the world
(Deltas by Shlomi Fish)

Judaism: God knows you will do shit, does nothing to prevent it, but makes
you take the blame for it anyways. 
%
Let's interpret the past according to the present and not the present
according to the past. 

	Shlomi Fish
%
"Computer Sciense is no more about computers than astronomy is about
telescopes" 

     Edsgar W. Dijkstra 

"Programming Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about 
stars." 

     Shlomi Fish 
%
I/O, I/O, 
It's off to disk I go, 
a bit or byte to read or write, 
I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O

	Dave Peacock
%
[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]

Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: "Even the NSA doesn't have enough programmers. But it
is not likely that they will have more and that's because 'Summerschool at
the NSA' may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar's next
movie."

Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: "And as opposed to 'I Know What You Did Last
Summer' it is going to be scary."
%
Objective philosophy is like a pencil sharpener for one's mind.

	Shlomi Fish
%
Oh! I wish you could see the look on his face! Actually, I would have also
liked to see the look on his face, but just then I woke up from the dream.

	"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
	Shlomi Fish
%
Had I not been already insane, I would have long ago driven myself mad.

	"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
	Shlomi Fish
%
"Except for that, I planned a political simulator that forecast the two World
Wars after I entered all the relevant data until the year 1000 AD."

"Do you have a computer at home?"

"Oh no. At present the program is written on a paper. Don't ask how much
time it took me to take out all the bugs from it. But it was great fun!"

	"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight it"
	Shlomi Fish
%
"Likewise." Added the interviewer and said: "Your answers were also very ...
unusual."

"Although this description cannot testify on their quality, I take it as a
compliment."

	"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
	Shlomi Fish
%
The government of the Supporter will finance your travel, and you will be
able to leave tomorrow morning. We would like to inform you of the following 
facts: we cannot assure your safety during this travel. Furthermore, 
despite your long service at the Organization and your constructive 
proposal, we cannot say, wholeheartedly or halfheartedly, that we wish 
to protect your safety. Likewise, we cannot guarantee that we would not
take actions that may harm you, indirectly or in a direct manner.

We hope to see you here very soon.

	"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
	Shlomi Fish
%
"Okay, I think that I can now return to my country and my village. By the
way, how many forbidden books do you have?"

"Oh,", one of them said to me, " their number grows up geometrically. When I
checked two weeks ago, their number was 2,148,763. A week ago there were 
4,278,109 forbidden writings. Now there must be about 8,600,000."

"You are wrong.", I said to him.

"I beg your pardon?"

"There are now exactly 8,517,559 or 8,517,560 forbidden books."

"Why is it so important?"

"Why, it means that meanwhile you have 82,440 or 82,441 extra books you can
read at bedtime if you can't fall asleep!"

	"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
	Shlomi Fish
%
"And what is the nature of those activists: Socialists? Communists?
Liberals? ... "

"Let's say for simplicity that they are people of my intellect, only 
that as opposed to me they are sane."

	"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It"
	Shlomi Fish
%
A more experienced programmer does not make less bugs. He just realizes
what went wrong more quickly.

	Shlomi Fish
%
BTW, for an editor with no replace feature (at least not on Windows 95), 
no regular-expression search and replace, no indentation support, 
no syntax-highlighting and no macros and scriptability features: 
MS Notepad is one hell of an editor!

	"Wonderous are the ways of Microsoft"
	Shlomi Fish
%
Suggested Improvements to the Documentation:

The WYSIWYT project was for a long time fascinated by Microsoft's tremendous 
desire to advance its Internet Explorer web-browser. We saw the fact that 
they switched the help systems of the upcoming Windows 98, as well as 
Microsoft Visual C++ 5.0, to HTML a major step in advancing our project.

As a complementary step, some of the chief heads of our project suggested
that the Windows' manuals themselves, as well as all of Microsoft's ads,
will be designed in HTML and printed after being rendered by IE4. While this
project is in the preliminary and planning stages, we expect it to acquire a
large momentum soon.

	"IRPWUG Announces Project 'WYSIWYT'"
	Shlomi Fish
%
If:
1. A is A.
2. A is not not-A.
does it also imply that:
1. B is B.
2. B is not not-B.

	Shlomi Fish
%
I know I'm blond, but I have to colour my hair brown, so people whould
not think I'm stupid. Because, like the title of the book says: "You've only got
Three Seconds".

Actually, since dad baught two books like that, you've only got six
seconds.

	Noa Fish
%
Knuth is not God! It took him two days to build the Roman Empire.

	Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2049
%
Knuth is not God! God has already released TeX version 4.0.

	Shlomi Fish
%

>
> Shlomi,
>
> Have you ever considered taking a Turing test? ;-)
>
 
<sarcasm>
Sure I did. I sat at one point of an IRC channel, and someone
tested me. Eventually it was discovered that I am a computer, but it
turned out the other side was an Eliza program. Strangely enough, I could
not detect that the latter fact was true.
</sarcasm>

	Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2465
%
There is no IGLU Cabal! None of them could pass the Turing test. But
strangely enough a computer program they coded, could.

	Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2465
%
Knuth is not God! Google is not God! RMS is not God! 

God himself said that was the case.

	Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2385
%
Knuth is not God! Typing "God" into Google and pressing "I'm Feeling
Lucky" would not lead you to his homepage.

	Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2084
	("The Great WWW-Wisdom Shootout")
%
Knuth is not God! Unless you confuse him with Dijkstra.

	Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2037
%
(I am patenting issuing a TINIC with anything else but the phrase "There
is no IGLU Cabal!". The patent number is kept secret to avoid copyrighting
its text)

	Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2021
%
C++ supports Object-Oriented Programming roughly as much as COBOL supports
Functional Programming.

	Shlomi Fish
